Sandra grew up knowing of her father, Ming Lei, through the conversations she overheard. She said that in those days, adults did not explain things to children. She knew of him too by the gifts he sent from America. One year her mother received a cardigan with buttons made of dark bone, made of densely knit woolen yarn that was fine and smooth and in the deepest shade of fuchsia. Her grandmother, that is, Ming's mother received a navy cardigan. For his daughter, he sent two sets of a coat and matching hat. She remembers one was a soft coral/peach color and the other a pale celadon green. Sometimes, tins of biscuits came as gifts from him, brought by other villagers who had visited Hong Kong on their way home from the USA . These tins were kept to store foods like peanuts or beans. They were exotic to this place where little of the outside world ever came to their lives of these people.
When she was eleven or twelve, there had been talk of his return to the village. But soon the Japanese began their invasion of the smaller cities and towns in this part of China. The threat of attack created fear and this fear changed plans. Her father feared that if he came home to the village, the Japanese presence might make his return to the USA impossible. It was a risk that he could not take as it was only from there that he was able to earn money to send home to his family. So on this occasion, his return to the village did not take place. He did not meet his daughter this time nor was he ever to see his mother and sister again. Instead, he traveled from Washington DC to Hong Kong and his wife Mee Foon met him there– alone. She stayed there for several months. When she returned, she was pregnant with Sandra’s sister, Doris. So though there were many signs of his existence, she never shared a moment of her childhood with him.
Plans were made that Sandra and her paternal grandmother would join her mother in Hong Kong. They would need to go to Hoi Seng to board a boat to Hong Kong. Sandra recalls that in those days, one had to go to a 'fixer' to organise the transport to the harbour town. There was a man who who would go from village to village, announcing the date of his next departure and taking bookings. Sandra and her mother each rode on the back of a bicycle as the men pedalled into the town. They arrived at night at a boarding house. Just inside the building, in the middle of the room, there was a table where a fat man was sitting. At first, she felt a little afraid of this stranger. Then she remembered that some of the fat people she knew were not mean, but were jovial. This thought put her at ease. Her grandmother paid the man and they went upstairs to a large hall. Many beds and many women were there. Some of the young women were students, waiting to return to the USA to continue their studies. Some were American-born. All were there to wait for the boat to take them to Hong Kong enroute to the USA.
They were there for a few days, waiting to be told when they could embark the boat. Near the boarding house was an open air market. She and her grandmother took a walk there. Life was lived in village, school, or visits to the villages of her relatives and the visits to the "3-8" markets near the home village. (The open-air marketplace that was open on the 3rd, 8th, 13th, 18th, 23rd, 28th of each month). At this unfamiliar place, the market had things which were rarely seen at the "3-8" market. They bought some fruits and other treats, taking small tastes while they wandered about the market. Suddenly a loud shrill siren was blasting - it was the warning of danger, that the Japanese were coming. People began to run. Sandra and her grandmother became disoriented and did not which way was back to the boarding house or which way they should go. They followed others and headed into the hills with the strangers. Another siren sounded that was the signal that the coast was clear. They recognised the cook from the boarding house and accompanied him back to the boarding house.
They did board the boat soon after that and were in the hull crowded with others. No seating of any sort. A fishing boat. The boat was not anchored at a dock, but just in the open waters. They were transported a few at a time on a smaller boat. As the waves rose lifting the small boat up so that it was closer to the deck of the fishing boat, men on the boat would grab hold of a passenger and hoist them on. That was unnerving. So there they were, sitting in the dark, fishy-smelling, damp hull, rocking back and forth from the waves hitting the boat. It seemed like they were there for hours. The flap on the deck was opened and light came into where they were. People asked, 'have we arrived? are we in Hong Kong?' The men guffawed as they said we haven't even left the harbour. The winds weren't there for sailing. So back off the boat. Sandra and her grandmother returned back to the village. They couldn't fathom repeating that again.
Letters were sent from Hong Kong from her mother with details of her return to China and his return to Washington DC. His mother and relatives prepared a feast to "bye sing", pay respects to ancestors and to make offerings for a safe journey for the husband and wife. Sandra was playing with a younger girl from the next house. They may have been jumping or climbing when a sound of something hitting the ground was heard. Sandra picked up a small but heavy bag.. The girl's stepmother saw this and took it from Sandra's hands, saying that's mine. Sandra went into the kitchen to tell her grandmother about the bag. As she called to her grandmother, an aunt shooed her away. Go back outside and play. your grandmother is busy now. Later, when her mother returned home, she told her mother about this incident. Her mother gasped. It was her stash of jewellery and it was valuable. The story of this will be detailed in "The Stepmother".
The meeting between father and daughter took place in another time and place. She had married Louis by then and had emigrated to America. The year was 1952. Sandra was twenty two years old and the mother of three young children. Her father Ming flew from Washington DC to Sacramento.
When she met him, he was dressed in a suit. She was struck by his sophistication and style, how Westernised he was in his bearing and appearance. He smoked cigarettes. He gave her a pendant - in the shape of starfruit that is now on the charm bracelet.
In the living room of her home, he sat across the room from her. When asked what do you remember about this moment? She said he said to her "Come sit on my lap as I have never held you as a child”. When asked if she did this, her face is alight with an ineffable smile and she nodded: there are no words to speak of what she had received at last that she never had as a child – a gesture of affection from her father.
In Washington DC, Ming had opened a restaurant called “Ying Haw” or, in Toisan dialect “Yeet Haw” . It means “Number One”. The war had brought many people to Washington DC and it was a good time for businesses like his. Yet, within a short time of opening his restaurant, the war was finished and the reason to be in Washington no longer existed for many. The patronage at his Ying Haw dropped dramatically. Depressed and in despair, he began to drink. By February or March of the following year, he had died, due to complications to his liver caused by alcohol abuse.
On the day he died, Sandra and a friend were on the bus for one of their regular visits to Downtown Sacramento. As usual, Louis was home with the children and she would return later in the afternoon so he could go to his job. On the bus, Sandra felt uneasy. As they arrived Downtown, she told her friend, I don't know what it is, but I feel like I have to go home. Her friend was a little dismayed and said 'but we've only just arrived.' Sandra told her friend "you stay but I'll take the bus home". The feeling to go back to her house was strong but she did not understand why. As she walked towards the house from the bus stop, from the distance she recognised Bing, Louis' cousin. He was walking from his car into the house. She wondered why he was there. When she walked in, one of Louis' aunts was there with the children. The aunt told her - your father has died. Louis has gone to the travel agency to buy tickets to go to Washington DC.
Leaving the children in the care of Gim Ming (Louis’ father), Louis and Sandra flew to Washington to bring her father to Sacramento for his burial. Sandra and her father had met only once in their lives.
